His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
