phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize