I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
