It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize