Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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