i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize