i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
