PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
