Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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