Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
