the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He felt like a one man threesome
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
