they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize