Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
