JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
