We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
