so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
