i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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