u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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