yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
there is glitter all over my balls
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
