Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
