just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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