there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize