I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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