I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
