My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
