his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
