I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
