I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
