Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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