I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
