Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize