it hurts more in the daytime
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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