THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
