I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
