are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
