I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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