how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
