So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
