can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
