i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
