The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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