White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
