So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
its not stalking. its research.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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