the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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