I will die if light touches me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
