I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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