Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize