whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
