If i come over, it means nothing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
