Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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