I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize