He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
