Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
