I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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