Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
