Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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