Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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