i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize