You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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