: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
