hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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