I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i now understand why vodka
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
There's even glitter on my cock...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
