I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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