For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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