I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
zippers are such a cool invention
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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