Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
