Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
