I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
