So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
