Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
