there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
