PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize