Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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