1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
