3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
