grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
