How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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