He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
