where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
