.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
