I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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