So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize