I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
