Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
