if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize