she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
