I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
