Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize