I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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