that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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