things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
