I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
