Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
