i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
