Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The power of my boobs compel you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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