Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
