I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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