His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
