she was so not down for the gang bang
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
