also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
