Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
