VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Randomize
