Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
