Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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