Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
