I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
