I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
